The Impact of Parents' Behavior on Children

This article discusses how parents' seemingly gentle but actually strong behavior affects children and emphasizes the importance of a healthy family environment.

In the realm of family education, parents play a crucial role. Especially those parents who seem gentle on the surface but are actually strong-willed and have a strong sense of control. They use a gentle appearance to cover up their inner strength and desire to control, often pretending to be 'good parents' in an inconspicuous way. These behaviors undoubtedly have a profound impact on the growth of children. These parents with a strong sense of control usually do not get angry or beat their children directly. Instead, they use subtle words and behaviors to control and influence their children. For example, when a child gets a bad exam score, they will not ask the reason directly or urge the child. Instead, they will use sighs to stimulate the child's sense of guilt. This seemingly harmless behavior actually causes great psychological pressure on the child. Because children naturally rely on their parents, they often feel a heavy burden. They may begin to doubt themselves and even have self-denial. Secondly, strong parents also like to ignore the real feelings of their children by 'comparing misfortunes'. When children are under pressure, these parents will not provide empathy or comfort. Instead, they will tell their children to 'shut up' by comparing their own experiences. This behavior not only does not help to solve the problem but also increases the psychological burden on the child and makes them feel that their feelings are not valued. In addition, these parents seem to give their children freedom, but in fact, they control them tightly. For example, in some daily choices, although it seems that children have the freedom to choose, in the end, they must meet the expectations of their parents. Otherwise, they will use various means to influence them until the children make choices according to their wishes. This behavior of parents actually suppresses the true self of the child. Over time, children may form two 'selves' - one is the true self and the other is the false self. Due to continuous suppression and bullying, the true self is forced to hide, and the false self becomes the dominant one on the surface. This leads to the fact that the true thoughts and emotions of children are suppressed and they cannot truly express themselves. However, long-term suppression and self-denial will make children become inferior, depressed, and even lose their love for life. Educational psychology tells us that a person's growth and development cannot be separated from a healthy family environment. The behavior and attitude of parents have a profound impact on children. The behaviors of strong parents, although seemingly out of love and concern for children, are actually a deprivation of children's self-identity and free will. Because children need not only material supply but also emotional understanding and support. Parents should learn to listen and respect the thoughts of children, discuss and solve problems together instead of one-sided suppression and control. And these parents who seem gentle on the surface but are actually strong-willed may be pushing their children into the abyss of psychology unconsciously. They need to realize that the real 'good parents' are those who can understand and support their children instead of using authority and control to restrain their children. The growth of children should not be a struggle in pressure and fear but a free growth in love and understanding. True education is not only the transmission of knowledge but also the guidance of children's healthy growth and the development of independent personality and thinking. On the surface, it is gentle, but behind it is strength. Some parents with a strong sense of control are like this. When we were children, the words and deeds of our parents were our examples. So, when these examples are hidden behind control and coercion, what impact will it have on children? First of all, we must realize that this kind of parents' gentleness on the surface is actually a kind of control. For example, parents use sighs and comparisons to stimulate the child's sense of guilt instead of really caring about the child's feelings. This behavior makes children not only feel oppressed but also confused and contradictory. Because they are afraid of losing their parents' love, they will unconsciously comply with these unreasonable requirements. This emotional manipulation is actually a hidden violence. Let's take a look at those parents who seem to give freedom but actually control tightly. This behavior actually deprives children of their right to choose and freedom. When children's choices are continuously denied, they will gradually lose confidence and begin to doubt their judgment. In the long run, children may form a dual personality - on the one hand, it is their true self, and on the other hand, it is the 'false self' formed to meet the requirements of their parents. This internal contradiction will make children feel great psychological pressure and pain. These parents may think that everything they do is for the good of their children. But in fact, their behavior is often out of their own needs and expectations instead of really considering the feelings and needs of their children. This kind of control in the name of love is actually a manifestation of selfishness, which will not only affect the mental health of children but also affect their ability to establish healthy relationships with others in the future. In fact, education should not be a kind of control or coercion but a kind of guidance and support. Parents should encourage children to think independently, respect their choices and help them grow into confident and judgmental people. Of course, this requires parents to put down their authority and sense of control and truly listen and understand the feelings and needs of their children. We have to say that in the chessboard of family education, parents who seem gentle on the surface but are actually strong-willed are like those hidden chess players behind the scenes. They control every step of their children in a seemingly harmless way. However, while these parents are disguising themselves as 'good parents', they actually suppress and distort the personality and will of their children invisibly. We often say that children are a mirror of their parents, but in this family environment, this mirror reflects deformity and distortion. The performance of children is often regarded as the result of family education. However, behind these performances, there is the sadness and helplessness that children have to compromise. These parents manipulate the emotions and choices of their children in a subtle way, such as sighing, comparing misfortunes, or false freedom, making children lose themselves unknowingly. The core problem of this educational method is that it ignores the needs and feelings of children as independent individuals. Parents' strength not only suppresses the true self of children but also plants the seeds of inferiority and powerlessness in the hearts of children. This leads to the fact that children gradually form two 'selves' in the process of growth: one is the external false self, which exists to meet the expectations of parents; the other is the suppressed true self, which longs to be understood and accepted. In such a family environment, in the long run, not only will children lose self-confidence and independent thinking, but also leave indelible wounds in their hearts. Children may become contradictory and depressed. Even when they grow up into adults, the relationship with their parents may become distant and cold. This is why many seemingly excellent 'good students' choose to keep a distance from their parents after growing up and even have deep emotional estrangement between each other. In this case, education should not only be the transmission of knowledge but also the cultivation of children's sound personality and independent thinking ability. Parents need to realize that true love is not control and coercion but understanding and support. The growth of children needs a loving and respectful environment instead of a cage full of pressure and control. In conclusion, we must realize that the happiness and healthy growth of children are more important than any report card or social standard. Parents should grow up with their children, learn to listen, understand and respect, and jointly build a healthy and harmonious family environment. Only in this way can children grow up freely and become independent, confident and loving people.