Psychology of Control and Insecurity

This article explores the psychological phenomenon of control and its connection to inferiority and weakness. It discusses how control desire varies among individuals and its impact on relationships and self-esteem.

In the realm of psychology, it is often observed that those with a strong sense of control tend to have an underlying sense of inferiority and weakness within them. The date of this exploration is 2021-06-19 12:44:04. Why do we always hope that things will develop according to our will? Essentially, it stems from the control instinct within each of us. Whether one is calm or composed, there is a certain degree of control desire. However, the manifestation of control desire varies from person to person. Some have an extremely strong control desire, hoping that everyone in the world will submit to them, while others simply want to live each day well and control their own lives. The level of control desire is not a personality trait influenced by the external environment. It comes from human instincts and natures. In essence, control desire can meet the most basic safety needs in Maslow's hierarchy of needs. However, in real life, there are some people who always have an overly strong control desire. Generally speaking, the stronger the control desire, the deeper the invisible harm it brings to oneself and others. The reason is that the stronger the control desire, the more inferior and weak one is in their bones. 1. What causes excessive control desire? Although everyone has a certain degree of control desire, some people's control desire always seems excessive and extreme, especially towards those around them. People with strong control desires live very pitifully. Control desire can inadvertently destroy the happiness and beauty accumulated over a long time in a family or a relationship. In fact, the peak period of control desire is during childhood, especially for those crying babies with a strong control desire. At this time, they are unable to realize their control behavior because they cannot distinguish between the subject and object relationships and cannot distinguish between themselves and the external environment. Therefore, they cannot consider the impact of their behavior on the outside world. Through crying and making a fuss, they tell their parents what their needs are and also unconsciously 'control' their parents to be at their beck and call. So why do babies have control desire? From an evolutionary psychological perspective, in the primitive period, the survival rate of babies in the crisis-ridden natural world was not optimistic. In order to make their mothers pay more attention to them, they would try their best to make noises and pray to be noticed. Mother's attention will give babies more security unconsciously and also imply to babies that they can survive. At this time, crying is a kind of control. Control can bring people a sense of security and the experience of being affirmed. People with extremely strong control desires are partly due to the lack of security. They cannot be sure whether the people and things around them belong to them. In order to make them truly belong to them, they will hope that you accept their control. Similarly, during the heyday of centralization in the Ming and Qing Dynasties, under the strong power comes from fear. The stronger the control desire, the greater the fear of losing things in their hearts. The more they are afraid, the tighter they hold on. Essentially, it comes from not being affirmed and lacking security. Extreme control desire also represents a person's infatuation with power. The possession of power is essentially to meet the sense of security in their hearts. Controlling the situation can enable people to make preparations in a reasonable way. Excessive infatuation with power is also a kind of inferiority because power can give people a sense of security and a certain degree of self-confidence. Why do people always long to control the thoughts and behaviors of others? Essentially, it comes from the fear of losing and the denial of self-worth. There is also weakness in their bones. Because they do not identify with their own values, they cannot find self-identification from themselves and meet the needs of respect. Therefore, in order to meet their pitiful sense of security and respect, they will try to obtain energy from the external environment. Therefore, controlling others has become a way to meet needs. The stronger the control desire, the less aware people are of the defects in their own behavior patterns. Not only that, they are also addicted to the pleasure brought by this control. When the people and things around them can operate in the way they want, their sense of security in their hearts can be greatly satisfied, and the needs for respect in their hearts will also be met. Then why do those with great power also indulge in controlling others? For example, in ancient times, the emperor's restraint on his officials and the strict family education of successful people in modern society. Essentially, this is a manifestation of control desire, and their control desire is also relatively strong. Whether it is the restraint on officials or the family education of children, it is a symbol of power. Just like Zhao Kuangyin, who used wine to relieve the military power. After achieving success, his first act was to make these meritorious officials lose all their power. Because their achievements were too great, he could not be sure whether he could control these meritorious officials. Essentially, Zhao Kuangyin was afraid and inferior. Therefore, in order to eliminate the negative experience in his heart, he simply removed their military power. Many Chinese parents hope that their children can live according to their wishes. Behind the control desire is also their idea of treating children as accessories. Control is essentially a denial of human subjectivity. A mentally healthy person with a sense of self-worth will not deny the subjectivity and independence of others. Only those with inner inferiority and weakness will regard control as a way to satisfy themselves. Unfortunately, this way of self-satisfaction will not make their lives more perfect. It will only make them unknowingly trapped without realizing it. Controlling the outside world has always been a superficial way. Solving the defects in one's own thinking and cognition is a real control. Wise people all know self-control. Controlling others is just a drop in the bucket.