Seeking Advice on Gentle Social Interactions from ENFJs

ENTJ seeking advice from ENFJs on maintaining gentle social relationships and avoiding pitfalls.

Help Zone | Seeking advice from ENFJ angels on maintaining a gentle relationship in social interactions🥺

As an ENTJ, I can be humble and respectful towards others when I pay attention. However, when someone interferes with my to-do list, when I am extremely tired, or when someone conflicts with my goals, I unconsciously become assertive. [My work state and social state are completely different. I think I should be serious and strict at work.]

This easily gives some F-types a terrifying impression😖. But constantly being considerate of others is really exhausting for T-types. Isn't this just constantly accommodating others? When my energy is low, I can't continue. Increasing Fe might reduce my Te. I'm not sure if it will lead to a depressive state (in the past, having too high Fe made me sick. It's better to be a strong ENTJ now and be happier); I also worry that having too high Fe might lead to high sensitivity and so on. Or rather, I don't want others to change me. Because of some small setbacks in social interactions, constantly suppressing and wronging myself, always telling myself that I should take care of and pay attention to others' feelings and always take others' attitudes as the criterion of my life will eventually lead to losing myself. I have seen my INFJ friend often blame himself and be in great pain because of his too high empathy.

So I think there must be a gentle social method. It's not just mutual accommodation. Instead, we can detect the boundaries and proportions that should be maintained in social interactions through experience accumulation, thus avoiding all possible problem scenarios. It's not forcefully pushing others directly nor changing one's own heart. Instead, it's gently leading others to achieve goals through adjustments in external behavior patterns.

Currently, my way of dealing with anger and assertiveness is to temporarily put myself in a state similar to that of an INTP. In this state, I can detach emotions and self, or immerse inwardly in my internal world. But occasionally, because I can't perceive my own assertiveness or I am too angry, I still can't control it. (And emotions will accumulate.)

I want to ask the ENFJs who are very good at maintaining interpersonal relationships how you maintain a gentle social state. Why aren't you so assertive or so irritable? Is it that you can also be considerate of others when they hinder you from achieving your goals? Or can you control your emotions and not express them outwardly? ENFJ darlings never get angry? Then how do you solve problems?

Thanks to every ENFJ angel who is willing to answer the questions of this ENTJ little fool😭. I love you all [serious face].