Some Self-Adjustment Methods for Anxious Attachment Style
An article about self-adjustment methods for those with anxious attachment style, including aspects in friendships, academics, work, and romantic relationships.
Title: Some Self-Adjustment Methods for Anxious Attachment Style
Introduction: I am someone with an anxious attachment style. Even when not in an intimate relationship, I tend to be an anxious person. I get anxious about academics, work, and even when interacting with many people. I also have a bit of a people-pleasing personality and am extremely sensitive to emotional changes in others.
Friendships: In college, I met friends who truly understand me. After going through some experiences together, they told me that there's no need to use being understanding as a form of self-protection. People can never be 100% empathetic subjectively. So, when I'm not perfect in a relationship, they know my intentions are good and won't misunderstand me. It's like a milder version of 'acting spoiled because one is loved.' Now, in front of my friends, I can naturally show all my emotions.
Academics and Work: I might belong to the J personality type in MBTI. Making plans is an important part of my personal growth. I must have confidence in my ability to accomplish things. For example, in early 2020 when staying at home, I decided to get fit and lose weight. I used to think I was a complete novice at exercise. Looking at others' weight loss results made me anxious and I was too shy to ask for advice or try. But when I actually started doing it, my need for immediate results decreased. Starting to act is the best way to overcome anxiety in work and study! You can keep a diary, use mind mapping software or note-taking apps to make plans and record progress. At the same time, be sure to affirm yourself periodically. When the anxiety about personal growth is greatly relieved, relationship problems seem minor.
Love and Relationships: Anxious attachment is most obvious in romantic relationships. I've had different degrees of conflicts with my current partner due to my own state. I can only explore and share useful methods gradually. The main conflicts between me and my partner were caused by my constant worry about losing him, which made him feel untrusted. In fact, the needs of an anxious person can never be fully satisfied. Romantic relationships vary greatly from person to person. Some people like intense affection, while others prefer a more平淡 relationship.平淡 does not equal lack of love. We must bravely accept the dull period in a relationship. Avoid over-analyzing emotions and reading too many individual cases. Believe that there aren't so many bad people. Although many people think this is being naive, the emotions of an anxious person are very fragile and can be easily influenced by these things. So, a moderate amount of preparation is enough. In a relationship, know your own principles and bottom line. In cases where the bottom line is not crossed, accept people's differences and communicate effectively (tell what you want and see if he can accept it). Judge whether he likes you based on his usual behavior, personality, and character.
Adjustment Strategies: Reduce time spent on thinking about a sent message. Accept the fact that everyone is busy. (In fact, you are also busy. You just can only see the one thing - being in a relationship at the moment.) Last year, due to excessive anxiety, my studies were a mess and my work was just passable. In a way, it was like using one extreme to counter another. I suddenly remembered that one of the reasons my partner chased me was that he thought I was very capable at work and my decisive and efficient manner was very attractive. So, instead of being anxious in a low position, I can use the time spent on anxiety to maintain my value and keep him by my side. (This way of thinking is a bit cheap, but if there's really no other way, then this is it.)
Conclusion: I am still in the process of slowly adjusting. I really hope to communicate and exchange ideas with everyone and become a secure person together.